Harry Potter Meets James Bond
by GLCorps2814
Summary: What if two of England's most famous fictional heroes met? This ultra-short story tries to find out, and ultimately fails at doing so in a fulfilling manner! Please read and review.


Harry Potter Meets James Bond by: GLCorps2814 (cm_chiampa@yahoo.com)  
  
(So I've read the Potter books, and they're not bad, but in the end I'm a bigger fan of Britain's other fictional hero. No, it's not Robin Hood, King Arthur, or Sherlock Holmes, it's 007. So I got to thinking, what if these two great heroes met? Keep reading to find out! As usual, none of the characters within are mine. Please read and review)  
  
It was a fine first night back at Hogwart's School of witchcraft and wizardry. The sorting hat had done its thing, the usual speeches were made, and now the children were sitting around enjoying their welcome-back meal. Young Harry Potter was at his usual table with his usual friends, anticipating the usual year of making himself even more famous while Ron wallowed in the pain and misery of BEING Ron.  
As Harry anticipated Ron's suffering over the next year, there was a sudden crash of stone being destroyed. There was screaming as a few dozen kids were crushed by debris or run over by the silver Aston-Martin that had just burst through the wall.  
"What the devil?" Potter hollered, leaping from his bench.  
The driver's side door suddenly popped open, and a tall, striking fellow in a tuxedo got out, adjusting his necktie. He adjusted it in the way that proved he was one of the most confident people on the planet. Every movement, too, belied this supreme faith in himself.  
"Where's Potter?" He asked, a slight Scottish lilt to his words.  
(Yes, it's Sean Connery. He's the real Bond. The others are okay, but this guy is the man. You don't like it, complain to your MP)  
"Oh, I say!" Harry hollered, leaping from his seat. "Mister Bond, I'm ever so a big fan of yours! I...uh...Mister Bond, what's that?"  
Potter had asked this final question because, in the middle of his blubbering, Bond had pulled his Walther PPK from his tuxedo jacket and pressed the barrel to the short fellow's forehead.  
"It's called a pistol, you dolt."  
"I...I'm quite aware of that, actually. I mean...what's it doing against my noggin?"  
"Isn't it obvious?"  
"Well, uh...no?"  
"Look, kid, I've worked long and hard to supplant King Arthur and Robin Hood as the most famous fictional character in British history, I'm not about to watch some prepubescent conjurer oust me in only forty years!"  
"Can we talk about this?"  
"No."  
The three, evenly-spaced gunshots echoed throughout the dining hall, mingled with the sound of screams and the subtle slap of Potter's brain bits on the stone floor.  
"Alright, revenge taken, now Jimmy wants some." He put his gun away and adjusted his trousers. "Any takers?"  
"Ooh, Mister Bond!" Professor MacGonagle ran up to him. "You're so..."  
"Woah, cool off there, Bessie! My ass may be old but it doesn't mean I want a matching set for mine."  
"Mister Bond..." Ron walked up to him.  
"Woah, Jimmy don't swing that way, fellah!"  
"Not that. I'd just like to thank you for a job well done. Now I won't be living in his shadow!"  
"Yeah, you'll be living in MINE, instead!" Hermione snapped, grabbing Ron by the ear and dragging him away.  
"God, WHY?!" Ron screamed, dragged into the darkness.  
"Mister Bond?" A sultry voice said from behind, and Bond's eyebrows shot up.  
"Hello!" He turned, and was greeted by the sight of a twenty- something woman in form-fitting robes. "And you would be?"  
"Professor Lee Bido." She winked. "I teach health class."  
"They don't even TRY to be subtle anymore, do they?"  
"No, but do you really care?" She sauntered over to him and draped her arms around his shoulders.  
"Hell no."  
And with a "Jesus Christ this man is WAY too confident in himself" wink, he lead Professor Bido to his car and drove off, leaving behind death and destruction, and a very unhappy Ron.  
  
AND: Cue Bond theme, cut to black, THE END  
  
(Author's note: Honestly, I do like the books. This isn't some kind of anti- Potter thing. I just thought this might get a chuckle out of some folks. No harm meant, really. Just a joke, folks. With that in mind, please do send your review, just remember that I'm not bashing the books or anything. I like them, honest.) 


End file.
